How Do I Get Them To Change?! (Perspective)

March 3, 2018

MARICAR:

PERSPECTIVE is a way of looking at things. Sometimes the 1st step to fixing an issue is not to change the person, but to change our perspective.

OLD PERSPECTIVE:
Our common frustration—Richard wishes I would confront plainly, truthfully, immediately. I wish that he would be more gentle and patient. In the height of our emotions we think, “Why can’t he/she BE MORE LIKE ME?!”

NEW PERSPECTIVE:
I love Richard’s strength and truth, while he loves my gentleness. It’s my duty to help him with gentleness, and his duty to help me confront. The new question is — how do I be a good help-mate to my spouse in his/her area of weakness?

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OLD PERSPECTIVE:
Years ago, my mentor hated that her husband kept throwing his work clothes on the floor instead of placing them in the hamper. Grrr!! Ang dali-daling ilagay yung damit sa hamper, di magawa!

NEW PERSPECTIVE
One day, without telling her husband, she picked up his clothes and said softly to herself, “Thank you Lord, that these clothes are my husband’s, who came home from work safely. Nagbihis na sya ng pambahay, and now spending time with us, his family.”

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OLD PERSPECTIVE
A friend’s father is distant, hindi malambing, and doesn’t talk to or encourage his kids. For many years, my friend hated him because he’s either irritable (mainit ulo) or too quiet. My friend avoided her dad most of her life.

NEW PERSPECTIVE
My friend found out how her father grew up. He was treated harshly by his own parents. His own father rarely spoke to him, gave away his favorite toys without asking, and never hugged his kids. Her dad couldn’t give love because he barely received it.

via GIPHY

Difficult at first, but my friend continues to try to be her dad’s “teacher” of compassion by hugging him, and getting to know to him. Today, her dad has learned to say “I love you,” and asks for hugs.

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EPILOGUE:
After months of practicing her new perspective, my mentor was again picking up her husband’s clothes from the floor and talking to herself.

Suddenly her husband walked to the room and overheard her thankful words.

Overcome with guilt, awe, appreciation and love, he rushed in to hug his wife.
And now he throws his dirty work clothes directly in the hamper when he comes home. 🙂

Sometimes—SOMETIMES—a change in perspective is all you need, and a solution just might fall into place. 🙂

What OLD PERSPECTIVE can you change today? 🙂

 

Posted by relationshipmatters, March 3, 2018

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