How Do I Know if He/She Is THE ONE?

November 20, 2017
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  • MARICAR:

I get asked this a lot—
And I used to answer: “if the two of you “click” when it comes to conversation.”

Today my no. 1 criteria is: If you like how he handles conflict and offense, then he’s the one. Nothing makes you experience the REALITY of the marriage vow more than a major conflict.

Reality after the fairy-tale wedding 😀

 

A friend of mine has been married for 8 years. Before marriage, my friend (the wife) noticed her boyfriend (the husband) didn’t like to talk about anything negative.

They never really discuss their deep issues. Until today, the wife longs to talk about their problems, while the husband prefers not to think about it (“hayaan mo na kasi”).

Of course they still love each other, but they don’t agree with the way the other person handles conflict. This has lessened the “spark” in their relationship. 🙁

Are you OPPOSITES when it comes to conflict?

 

It’s the opposite for me and confrontational Richard. I don’t like talking about issues. Before marriage, I had to ask myself if I really wanted to spend my life with a person who likes debate. I hate conflict so much I’d rather put up a wall rather than solve it, haha!

Richard would not stop discussing until we were both emotionally ok. As boyfriend and girlfriend, he would keep me on the phone (even if I didn’t want to!), forcing us to fix the issue, until the “smile” returned to our voices.

Today, Richard refuses to go to sleep when we are mad at each other. I remember one fight was so long, it was only resolved by 7am the next morning! But what followed was the most peaceful sleep, cuddled in each others arms.

I don’t always like Richard’s tone of voice during confrontation. There is room for improvement, yes. But I LOVE his overall attitude when it comes to conflict. With each fight, we see our good and (especially) bad qualities more clearly than in happier times.

Conflict/difficulties/offenses show what’s TRULY in a person’s heart.

Are they forgiving? Easily give up? Nagtatanim ng sama ng loob? In denial? Patient? Open to correction? Do they shout or give silent treatment?

Can you live with the way they handle conflict, for the rest of your lives?

Know the BAD, not just the Good 🙂

 

How will you know if he/she is THE ONE?

Your next big fight will tell you more than 100 happy dates, believe me.:)

Posted by relationshipmatters, November 20, 2017

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2 thoughts on “How Do I Know if He/She Is THE ONE?

  1. Good morning Ate Maricar.

    I’m Cathyren Amoguiz, 23 years old. Gusto ko lang po sana humingi ng advice. Meron po kasi akong ka-MU ngayon, and he is younger sakin 21 y/o siya. Gusto namin ang isat isa, and more than one year na kami magkakilala and MU. Then everytime na binbring up ko sknya kung ano ba kami, ssbhin niya pinpressure ko daw siya. Ano po massbi niyo sa MU? 🙁

    1. Maricar: You deserve someone who wants to commit to you, yung sa sobrang ayaw ka nya mawala, aangkinin ka talaga. Sorry ha. mejo old school siguro ako. Di ako masyado sang-ayon sa MU. It’s just an easy excuse to see other people kung sakaling nagkasawaan na– kasi di naman “kayo” 🙂 akin lang naman.

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