RM Reader Asks: “How Do You Control Your Temper?”April 4, 2018
Someone sent me a very simple question on our Facebook page: “…how do you control your temper when you were soo mad with your husband?”
Given my non-confrontational personality, my problem is not in angry outbursts —it’s forming bitterness in my heart by keeping anger inside. It’s very important for me to practice dealing with anger. I’ve heard bitterness can make people sick. 🙁
This question made me reflect on what has helped me so far. 🙂
FIRST—When I’m really REALLY mad, I hit the floor with a pillow around 10 times —very hard. I make sure I’m alone when I do this, because it’s very stressful for anyone to see. The physical exertion drains out some of the anger. In 4 years of marriage, I’ve done this twice. 🙂
SECOND— I force myself to remember the biggest reasons why I married my husband. Among them is his love for the truth. His extreme honesty has brought intimacy, security, and joy into my life. Our many fights, are not enough to make me want to live without it.
THIRD —I remember my weaknesses that he has to put up with, too! I don’t plan, while he is a long-term thinker. He has to explain things to me very slowwwlyyyy if there’s math involved. He’s naturally goal-oriented, and needs to keep checking on my tendencies to be lazy. Etc., etc., etc…
Usually, after doing the 1st, and meditating on the 2nd and 3rd, my emotions stabilize enough to be able to work on a solution together with my husband. It helps soften my heart to apologize when I’m wrong, and accept a sorry from him for any mistakes.
Mentors always tell me keep my heart soft, so it won’t be quick to form grudges (sama ng loob).
Thank you again, for this question (you know who you are). This blog is another written reminder that can help me the next time Richard and I are angry at each other. 😛
How about you? How do you deal with anger? Share your stories in the comments below so we can all learn from each other!