My Revenge on Richard (Gantihan)May 26, 2018
Driving along Taft Avenue one Sunday evening, a dark-colored SUV rudely cut in front of us while Richard was driving.
Richard got really angry and wanted to get back at the SUV (vengeance). It was dangerous and I got scared. “Don’t chase him!” I said. “Let him go. Ano pa bang magagawa mo kung mahabol mo siya?”
I kept quiet. To get back at him (vengeance) for getting “irritated” at me, I became a cold towards him the whole night. He wondered WHY I was suddenly “different.”
After we came home from our family dinner, he was now annoyed with me. What was wrong with my mood???
Finally I told him, “Because you were irritated with me when I corrected you about the SUV…” He became more angry because of 2 things:
- Why couldn’t I say it sooner? Wasn’t our family rule: “Don’t say you’re OK, when you’re not OK? When offended TELL THE SOONEST?” How would he know he hurt me, if I didn’t say anything? He wasn’t a mind-reader!
- He was also hurt because I only saw his irritation. Didn’t I see that after I corrected him, he slowed down and didn’t go after the SUV? Even if irritated, Richard knew I was right and acted upon my advice immediately.
I apologized for breaking our family rules again, and not recognizing that he took my advice. But he still couldn’t be sweet with me again. After our argument, he left the room to get back at me (vengeance). He was pissed and didn’t want to be around me.
Minutes later Richard returned to the room and hugged me. He said, “If I continue with this, wala ding pupuntahan. Vengeance doesn’t solve anything…”
Then vengeance tried a final attack with me with the thought—“Oh fine, you (Richard) leave the room anytime you want and when YOU’RE OK NA, I have to be OK na din?!” I was tempted to become irritated again to get back at him (vengeance).
But my husband was right —if I continued, we would both be exacting vengeance upon each other. Offenses would pile up until we wouldn’t know where it all started. Turuan nalang ng turuan. THAT’s scary.
Imagine if I chose to be irritated again? Richard would think, “I’m trying to make peace, and you want to continue with this ‘war???’ FINE!” Then if he responds by not wanting to speak to me anymore, I probably would do the same too… then the vicious vengeance cycle (gantihan)would continue.
RICHARD AND MARICAR:
It is natural for us to hurt the person who hurt us. But no matter how many times we’ve done this in order to get “justice,” it never brought peace back to the relationship. It hasn’t made us into better people either. Vengeance always creates more vengeance.
Let’s help each other keep watch! Stop the cycle early. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Over time, your loved one will be able to follow your good example, too.
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