Is The Relationship Lost When the Woman Gives Up?February 18, 2018
In a coffee shop I heard a woman sigh heavily, telling her friend, “hay nako! Pag babae na nag-give up (on the relationship) wala na talaga!”
That made me wonder if it was completely true.
One morning in 2012, after 2 years of a confusing push-and-pull (lulubog-lilitaw) relationship with Richard, I decided to move on once and for all. I planned to cut all ties, erase his phone number, and stay away from our common friends.
That evening, surprisingly, Richard rushed to me to say he finally decided to commit! Although I was angry and scared that he might pull away again, his firm words “I won’t ever go away again,” was enough to overthrow all my plans to “cut ties” that morning.
A woman told me how desperate she was to get her long-time boyfriend to talk to her about their issues. She’s tried every approach— being nice, nagging, silent treatment, writing letters, “parinig,” etc.
Until today, as much as the woman tries, the guy stays quiet and simply says, “there’s no need for more drama.” They’re still together, but I doubt that they’re very happy.
A man has an affair for 8 years and then his wife finds out. For the next few years the woman stays with him silently praying that he will end the affair. Suddenly, a few years later, to the wife’s shock, he ends it.
The man radically changes, gives up his vices, and spends many years pursuing his wife, earning her trust back, restoring their relationship. Today, you would never guess the hell their relationship had been through.
Its no wonder that Richard and I look up to this couple and go to them for advice from time to time.
True, the capacity of a woman to “hold on”/mag-tiis is a big reason why some couples stay together.
But I think it’s the man’s gift to lead the relationship. Richard led us from a “confused” relationship to a committed one. The man in story 2 led them into a silent, and distant relationship. The man in story 3 led the way to forgiveness and restoration.
A man’s leadership sets the tone of the relationship, but he needs the support of a woman to lead well. And support just isn’t “holding on”/pagtitiis. They need to know you believe in them!
Loving support even when we are wrong. It’s comforting to know that when I’m wrong, Maricar won’t rub my face in it.
Guys, have you asked your lady if she is honestly happy? If not, maybe there’s something wrong with your leadership. Be open to her advice. 🙂
Girls, have you asked your man if he honestly feels supported and respected by you? Be open to his advice.
What do you think about support and leadership? Take heart!