RM READER ASKS: “My parents are always controlling me! What do I do?”April 12, 2018
RICHARD AND MARICAR:
A teenager is frustrated because her mother is “controlling her life.”
A lady in her 20’s cannot work abroad because her parents don’t agree it’s the best career path.
A lady in her 30’s can’t save money because she’s paying for most of the house expenses, but can’t say anything because her parents will call her ungrateful.
There is one thing all these ladies have in common —they all still live in their parents’ house.
Years back, after college, and before my singing career, I ran away from home and tried to live on my own. I thought some family rules were unreasonable.(Like wearing black is bad and worth getting mad for haha, my favorite color is BLACK:))
I slept in a dusty, one-room studio without a bed and my parent’s cooking (I missed their excellent food!). I worried about where to get the money for next month’s rent! Could I have enough money for groceries? Utilities? Cellphone bill?
Living alone made me tougher, and helped me understand my parents’ difficulties. Supporting a household was more challenging than I thought! #Adulting was hard, haha!
I understood that while I still lived with them I was their responsibility, and they had to do what they believed was best, even if I disagreed with them.
My parents rarely pressured me, so I didn’t feel the need to move out until two years before I got married. I wanted to experience living alone before partnering with someone forever. 🙂 I missed my parents, but never regretted moving out.
I began to look forward to the times I’d visit my parents in their home. I’d buy them dinner, or my brother would cook for all of us. We’d have a nice conversation about what our plans were.
We’d also be more patient with each other. More empathy. Less irritation. 🙂
RICHARD AND MARICAR:
The 3 women who wrote us have very valid reasons for feeling frustrated and trapped by their parents. In a way, the parents are being too controlling, not allowing enough space for their children to learn from their own mistakes.
But we also think it’s unfair to get too angry at parents for exerting their rights over us, especially when we’re still living in THEIR house.
Maybe the teenager(ages 12-17 years old) has no choice for now, but the adults(18 above)? We may not know all the details of their invidual problems, but if they can’t take it anymore, we still believe that moving out of their parent’s house is a major part of the solution.
Just make sure that they date their parents every week! (Or visit/call regularly.) 🙂
Take heart to Leave and Cleave🙂
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