Are You Top Priority?February 21, 2017
In a cab, I asked a young, single, female officemate a THEORETICAL question, “If your house was on fire, and you had time to save only one person, who would it be—your spouse or your child?”
As most Filipinas do, she answered, “Of course, my child.”
So I turned the tables around. I asked, “What if you found out that your husband preferred to save your child and not you, would you get hurt?”
She said, “Yes I would.”
“Because you want to be TOP PRIORITY, right?” I asked.
She nodded in agreement.
“So how will you ask a husband to PUT YOU FIRST, when you put him SECOND to the child then?”
She couldn’t answer for a few minutes.
I ended the exchange by saying, “When we marry, do we say to a vow to stay(in good or bad, sickness or health) to our CHILD or to our SPOUSE?
Of course everyone knows the answer to that:)
Some say it may be because MANY MEN FAILED to put their wives FIRST in their marriage, the wives, in response to protect themselves from further grief, SHIFTS MOST OF HER HOPE AND LOVE to their children.
Although a valid response to emotional pain, this creates a destructive cycle:
“I WONT PUT YOU FIRST(because you have hurt me), STARTING TODAY, MY CHILD IS MOST IMPORTANT.” This often backfires because what you give, usually you get—and I have yet to see a woman blossom emotionally well when she knows she is NOT TOP PRIORITY.
Human flaws in marriage don’t need to force us to LOWER THE STANDARDS of our marriage VOWS WE MADE to keep our spouse most important:) The best in us can RISE ABOVE the hurt & bitterness:)
Older & stronger married couples repeatedly remind us, “the best thing you can give your children is to show them you(parents) put each other in highest priority.”
How enjoyable would marriage be knowing the husband prioritizes the wife over work, and the wife prioritizes the husband over the kids?
(Read Maricar’s thoughts below!)
The big question here is: “How would you feel if your husband loved your child more than he loved you?” I can’t speak for everyone, but I’d feel INSECURE.
In arguments, would he defend the child even if I’m right? What’s to stop him from leaving me and taking the child?
But is it fair to love the helpless little child “less” than your spouse?
All I have is my own story.
A few years ago, I realized that my parents loved each other more than they loved us kids. I’m NOT saying I wasn’t loved (in fact I felt very much loved by my parents).
I am saying my parents loved each other MORE, and we children were aware of it. I’m not even sure how I can prove it in this short blog.
Was it the way they looked at each other? How my father would do errands for my mother that no one else could make him do? How my mother would refuse to take a vacation without my father? All I know is he is her no.1 human priority, and she is his. They never said it, but I felt it.
As their child, I did not feel it was unfair. Honestly, it was inspiring. I LOVED to watch my father try to make my mother laugh. I’m amazed how my mother’s encouraging words can lift my father’s spirits more than our words could.
Their example made me want to have a husband who would love me like my father loved mama. And I knew that a man who would put me first, also deserved top priority in my heart.
The true test will come the day Richard and I will have a child of our own. Will we still strive to remain each other’s top priority? I hope so. I hope we will be as inspiring to our children as my parents were to me.
So who would you save in the “fire?”