Whenever I’d meet my female mentors about an issue Richard and I are having, I am always shocked– I couldn’t believe such joyful, beautiful women had been through so many difficult times.
Some have experiences much worse than what I’d be whining about. And all of them, still very much in love with their husbands. Why are they so happy?
“There are just so many wonderful things about him,” a mentor would say about her husband. “And I have a lot of faults that he puts up with too, you know!” She laughs. “We always choose to HONOR each other. Pareho naman kaming sablay:)”
“Be careful,” my mentor continues, “When you’re with your girlfriends and all you can say are negative things about your husband–yung puro ka reklamo. Bitterness doesn’t make you beautiful,” she laughs.
Richard and I both face the temptation to say negative things about each other whenever we fight, too. When this happens, we have two choices:
1) Push for “justice” or VENGEANCE /gantihan (make the other feel as bad as he/she made me feel), which usually ends in dis-honoring each other.
2) follow our mentor’s advice to acknowledge the wrong, but still choose to HONOR.
How difficult! Choosing no.1 (“justice”/vengeance) seems fair, right?! But our married mentors say that, in their experience, it never makes things better in the long run. It creates more distance between two people.
“It’s difficult to honor someone, especially when they did something wrong.” My mentor says. “Acknowledge and point out the bad, but don’t let that overshadow what’s good in the person.”
When Richard is wrong and I choose to honor him, it usually sounds like this:
“I hate when you’re too harsh when you correct me… But you are the only one who has cared strongly enough to tell me straight what my bad habits are and to solve them in a practical way. I love how you keep me real and honest.”
And, when I am wrong, many times Richard still honors me by saying:
“I hate that you don’t tell me soonest when you’re offended. Magugulat nalang ako sa dulo, sasabog ka pag napuno ka na, and I wouldn’t know why! But being gentle and non-confrontational is also the reason why I like you a lot!
I can’t imagine what would happen if I married (someone like) myself!”
To be honest, I (Maricar) wouldn’t want to marry someone like myself either. 😉
Even our married mentors don’t stop honoring each other no matter what the season. Tried and tested, over time, honor brings people closer together.
Has a loved one offended you, making it difficult for you to honor them? Why not see what happens if you start honoring them today, and everyday after!
, February 4, 2018