Who Would You Save in the Fire?September 20, 2014
In a cab, I asked a young, single, female officemate a THEORETICAL question, “If your house was on fire, and you had time to save only one person, who would it be—your spouse or your child?”
As most Filipinas do, she said, “Of course, my child.”
So I turned the tables around. I asked, “If we turn it around, and you found out that your husband picked to save your child and not you, would you get hurt?”
She said, “Yes I would.”
“Because you want to be TOP PRIORITY, right?” I asked.
She nodded in agreement.
“So how will you ask a husband to PUT YOU FIRST, when you put him SECOND to the child then?”
She couldn’t answer for a few minutes. Stunned by the shocking truth that was in front of her all this time.
I ended the exchange by saying, “When you marry, do we say to a vow to stay(in good or bad, sickness or health) to our CHILD or to our SPOUSE?
Of course everyone knows the answer to that:)
Deep down, it maybe because a lot of MEN FAILED to put their wives first in their marriage have hurt women very deeply to SHIFT THEIR HOPE AND LOVE to their innocent children.
Although valid and emotionally painful. This creates a destructive cycle:
I WONT PUT YOU FIRST(because you have hurt me), STARTING TODAY, MY CHILD IS MOST IMPORTANT. This often backfires because what you give, usually you get.
Human flaws don’t need to force us to LOWER THE STANDARDS of our marriage vows to keep our spouse most important:) The best in us can rise above the bitterness:)
I often remember older married couples repeatedly saying, “the best thing you can give your children is to show them you(parents) put each other in highest priority.”
The big question here is: “How would you feel if your husband loved your child more than he loved you?” Honestly, I’d feel INSECURE.
I’d wonder if my child and I fought, would he defend the child even if I’m right? What’s to stop him from leaving me and taking the child? And yes, I would retaliate by turning cold on my husband and focusing on the child as well.
But is it fair to love the helpless little child less than your spouse?
All I have is my own story.
A few years ago, I realized that my parents loved each other more than they loved us kids. I’m NOT saying I wasn’t loved (in fact I felt very much loved by my parents).
I am saying my parents loved each other MORE, and we children were aware of it. I’m not even sure how I can prove it in this short blog.
Was it the way they looked at each other? How my father would do errands for my mother that no one else could make him do? How my mother would refuse to take a vacation without my father? All I know is he is her no.1 human priority, and she is his. They never said it, but we felt it.
Did I feel it was unfair? Nope. Actually, it was inspiring. I LOVED to watch my father make my mother laugh. I’m amazed at how my mother’s encouraging words lifted my father’s spirits more than our words could.
It made me look forward to the day when I would have my own husband who would love me like my father loved mama. As a team, we would bring up our kids together. And I knew that a man like that deserved top priority in my heart as well.
The true test will come the day Richard and I will have a child of our own. Will we still strive to remain each other’s top priority? I hope so. I hope we will be as inspiring to our children as my parents were to me.
So who would you save in the fire?